


All or Nothing

by msred



Series: Puckleberry Shuffle [5]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Theory of a Deadman, anti-Finchel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-10
Updated: 2012-06-10
Packaged: 2017-11-07 10:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/430269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msred/pseuds/msred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You've got all that I need/Looking at all or nothing/Babe it's you and I/With you I know that/I'm good for something/So let's go on give it a try"</p><p>Rachel Berry had always been an "all or nothing" kind of girl (usually opting for "all"). It was all or nothing when it came to her competitions and her lessons as a little girl. It was all or nothing when it came to her high school glee club. And it was all or nothing when it came to both her relationships and her career, which many people said would never work (or at least that she would have to choose the 'nothing' route for one of them).</p>
            </blockquote>





	All or Nothing

**All or Nothing – Theory of a Deadman ~ {www[dot]youtube[dot]com/watch?v=Zd66UV0XG5Y}**

Rachel Berry had always been an "all or nothing" kind of girl (usually opting for "all"). It was all or nothing when it came to her competitions and her lessons as a little girl. It was all or nothing when it came to her high school glee club. And it was all or nothing when it came to both her relationships and her career, which many people said would never work (or at least that she would have to choose the 'nothing' route for one of them). But Rachel didn't believe that; she was determined that she would have her man and her Tony. So no one was surprised when she appeared in front of them in a gorgeous floor-length gown, her hair swept back from her face, but not pulled up all the way, looking more amazing than ever. A little breathless, sure, but not surprised. And when she looked out on the crowd, taking in the few faces of the people she loved, the several faces of people she was familiar with, and the many more faces that she wasn't quite sure she had ever even seen before, Rachel's eyes filled with tears. Happy ones, of course. But as she opened her mouth to voice her acceptance of, basically, everything she had ever wanted, she couldn't help but think back to all the times she feared this would never happen, in spite of all her big talk to the contrary. But even when she doubted herself, there was one person who never did.

**_When I first saw you standing there  
You know, it was a little hard not to stare  
So nervous when I drove you home  
I know being apart's a little hard to bear._ **

So he was late for glee. Big deal. It's not like it was anything new, and it just meant he got to skip out on Mr. Schue's big goofy speech and get straight to the singing. 'Cause while he didn't say it very often, he really enjoyed that part. Think about it, what says 'badass' better than 'rock star?' Only today, apparently it was a big deal, because when he opened the auditorium door, it wasn't Mr. Schue giving a speech, it was Finn. And by the way the rest of the glee club, including Schuester, sat in their seats and stared, silent and motionless, Puck figured it was kind of important. And if something important was coming from Finnessa, then it must be _really_ important. So instead of just strutting in and announcing his presence as he would normally do, he just stood in the doorway and watched the show.

"God Rachel, I mean, when are you going to get it?" _Wait, was he seriously yelling at Rachel? Like, the same Rachel who forgave him for giving up on her, twice? The Rachel who bent over backward to make him happy?_ "You just act like you're so much better than the rest of us!" _Well, yeah, 'cause she is._ "And you keep expecting me to do all this … this crap, like bringing up my grades, and New York! You know I can't really do that stuff, and it's not fair to push me like this!" _It's called believing in you, asshole._ "I … I can't do this anymore. I'm out." _Ok, he did not just break up with Rachel Fuckin' Berry. And she is not just standing there listening to it all with those eyes all big and unfocused and not saying a word._ "And by the way," _seriously dude, you were already halfway off the stage, just keep going,_ "go get some big-girl clothes. You look ridiculous." _Ok, that's it. She looks awesome, like, all the time. Screw this 'waiting-in-the-wings' bullshit. Time to step up._

Only his legs wouldn't move quite as quickly as he wanted them to, and by the time he reached the base of the stage, Finn was gone, along with most of the glee club. Mr. Schue hadn't even bothered dismissing them, they just all assumed that the show would _not_ go on after what they had just witnessed. When he finally laid his foot on the first of the few steps leading up onto the stage, the only people remaining in the room besides Rachel and himself were Mercedes, Brittany, and Tina. The three girls were standing on the floor, staring up at Rachel and asking her, for the third time, if she was sure she would be ok without them. She nodded and waved them away, insisting that she was just fine. If he had been shocked by Finn's outburst before, he was even more shocked now. Rachel hadn't shed the first tear. Not when Finn was screaming at her, not when all her so-called friends were bailing on her, and not when her real friends were basically begging her to let them stay and help her.

"Hey Berry," he lowered his voice and spoke as softly as he could while still making himself heard. He wasn't quite sure how, but apparently his entire trek from the back of the auditorium to the front had gone unnoticed. He didn't want to scare her.

"Noah." Her voice wasn't sad. It wasn't angry. It wasn't anything; it wasn't even Rachel. "Since you're already on the stage and I know you didn't just materialize out of nowhere, you must have heard what I just said to the girls. I'm fine. I'm a big girl; I can take care of myself. No need to worry about me. You can go now."

"Need a ride home?" He knew Rachel. He knew her probably better than anyone in their little club, or in the whole stupid school. Even better than Jerk-Off Hudson ( _yeah, definitely better than him_ ). When she said "no," she meant "no." So he knew there was no point in arguing with her, in trying to get her to confide in him or some shit. But he also knew that she had no ride home (he saw her getting out of Finn's truck that morning) and he wasn't about to just leave her alone. She must have realized the same thing, because for the first time since he had opened the auditorium door, she blinked and moved from the spot he almost convinced himself she was glued to.

"That would be lovely Noah. Thank you." Puck almost choked on his tongue. Only Rachel Berry could manage to use the word 'lovely' under the current circumstances. He jumped off the stage and turned, extending a hand to her to help her down after him. She smoothed her skirt under her thighs then sat on the edge of the stage, her legs dangling so that she looked like a vulnerable little girl. He decided that wasn't so far from the truth as he rested his hands on her hips and lifted her gently off the stage and onto the floor. He walked to the middle seat in the front row and picked up her backpack, turning and leaving the large room as she followed a few steps behind him.

Puck didn't say a word on the ride to Rachel's house. He didn't want to push her, to pressure her into anything she didn't want, so he decided that if she wanted to talk about it she would. Rachel Berry wasn't exactly known for keeping things bottled up. They managed to make it all the way from the school auditorium to Rachel's driveway without a word between them. "Want some company?" It was a little late to ask, since he had already turned off the ignition and stuffed the keys into his pocket. Again she said nothing, only nodding slowly. It must have been some kind of record or something _._ And even after verifying that, yes, she would like him to stay with her, she made no move to get out of the truck. Any other time he would swear she was trying to teach him some lesson in the dead art of chivalry or some shit like that. This time, he just left his seat and walked around the truck to open her door and lead her toward her own home.

He was shocked for what felt like the thousandth time that day when instead of digging her house keys out of her purse when they reached the door, she spun on her heel and dropped to the porch, resting her feet on the second step down. He decided at the beginning of all this that he would follow her lead, so he took a deep breath and sat down beside her, resting his forearms on his thighs and tangling his fingers together between his knees. They sat on her porch, her staring at her front yard and him stealing glances at her out of the corner of his eye, for what seemed like ages but was probably four or five minutes. Finally, he felt her shoulder brush against his as her body shuddered and he heard her breath go ragged. Puck still didn't speak when he lifted the arm closest to her and wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her body tight against his.

Puck sat on Rachel's front porch, holding her tight and rubbing her arm every time a new sob wracked her body, for almost two hours. When she finally stood, causing his arm to drop to the cool wood of the porch, the sun was starting to set. He didn't mind. He would have been a grade-A douchebag to leave her alone at a time like that. Still without a word, she turned toward the house, brushing his shoulder with her fingertips as she walked to the front door. Once she was inside and he heard the deadbolt click, Puck lifted himself off the porch and dragged his body to the truck, as exhausted as if he had been the one crying for the past two hours.

**_Sent some flowers to your work in hopes  
That I'd have you in my arms again  
We kissed that night before I left  
Still now it was something  
I can never forget_ **

It had been three weeks. Three fucking weeks of Rachel Berry wearing blue jeans and not saying a word in glee that wasn't a direct response to a question. Three weeks of her avoiding eye contact with nearly everyone. Three weeks of Finn acting like nothing had happened and laughing and talking with anyone who would listen (although, to be fair, there were a few less of those people now in glee – not many, but a few). One day, he thought things were finally starting to turn around, to get a little more normal. About five minutes into glee, Rachel raised her hand in that prim little way she liked to do. Mr. Schue hadn't asked her a question or anything, she just raised her hand. Unconsciously, Puck leaned forward a little in his seat. "Mr. Schuester, I don't feel well. May I be excused?" _Damn_. She hadn't specified what not feeling well meant, but she didn't take her backpack, so he thought it was just a trip to the restroom, or maybe the nurse's office, but she never returned. And when glee was over, he watched Mercedes grab Rachel's things and head to her car, where Rachel was waiting.

This shit had to end, like, yesterday. Puck didn't know why it bothered him so much. Ok, so he knew, but he didn't like to admit it. Amazingly, once Rachel and Finn had gotten back together at nationals almost nine months before, he and Rachel had stayed friends. He expected her to back off, to stop talking to him because of, well, their _past_. But she didn't. And if Finn ever asked her to, he didn't know about it. So yeah, they were friends, and that was why he didn't like this moping around bullshit. Only that wasn't why, and he knew it. They weren't just friends. Not on his end anyway. But as long as she had been his best friend's girl, that didn't matter. And she had wanted to be friends, and she was a pretty great one, so he figured it was best just to let it go. But his best friend screwed up. Big time. And now she wasn't his best friend's girl anymore. And to be honest, Finn wasn't his best friend anymore either. So all bets were off.

So when Puck walked into the flower shop, he didn't hesitate to slam down a hundred and tell the sweet middle-aged woman behind the counter to use her own judgment, giving her very few specifications. ("Make it … happy. And I better not see a single damn daisy or tulip.") And when he showed up to glee the next day, before everyone else (so yeah, maybe there really was a first time for everything), he was pleased to see that she didn't disappoint. The arrangement was huge, and filled mostly with these lilies that reminded him of stars, and therefore reminded him of Rachel. He'd have to keep that in mind for prom and her birthday ( _wait, what?)._ He also wasn't disappointed by the reactions of his teammates. Kurt, Mercedes, and Brittany sighed dreamily and whispered words like 'romantic' and 'so sweet.' The guys all stared at each other, a little bit horrified and a little bit accusing. They weren't happy that some jerk had gone and raised the bar for all the rest of them. ( _But then, when didn't the Puckerone raise the bar?)_ Santana and Quinn just looked pissed, knowing that the flowers weren't for them and ready to say horrible things about whomever they were for. And Rachel, Rachel just stared. The look in her eyes wasn't one of expectation or even hope, simply admiration. She was looking at a beautiful piece of art, not a gift that might possibly be meant for her.

"Nice going Mr. Schue," it took Mercedes's voice for Puck to even realize their teacher had entered the room. He had to snicker in spite of himself when he saw the confusion on Schue's face before he noticed that Mercedes was pointing at the flowers atop the piano. "So Mr. S, who is it this time? Miss Holiday or Miss P? Or maybe somebody new …"

Mr. Schuester shook his head at his eager students. "Ok guys. Calm down, I already told you, Miss Holiday and I are friends. Besides, she took a permanent job in Cincinnati and she loves it there. And as far as …" his voice trailed off as he fumbled gently through the flowers to find the card, "Oh." He almost sounded disappointed. "Rachel, looks like these are for you. We didn't miss your birthday did we?" Rachel looked dumbfounded. She couldn't speak, so she just shook her head at her teacher and continued to stare at the flowers. Only now, Puck noticed, satisfied, there was something a bit more than just admiration in her gaze. "Well, here's the card. They're beautiful." She stood and accepted the sealed envelope from her teacher, refusing to meet his gaze. All eyes were on Rachel as she returned to her seat and opened the envelope, scanning the card but saying nothing.

Finally, Kurt couldn't take it anymore. "Well Barbra, who are they from? You don't have a secret boyfriend you're hiding from us or something do you?" Santana snorted and Mercedes sent her a death glare. Kurt continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. "Give us the dirt."

"There's no name." Rachel wasn't lying. Puck had left his name off the card, leaving instead a short message that he hoped would be enough to cheer her up even a little (and to prove that it wasn't creepy Jacob Ben Israel sending the flowers, he wasn't trying to scare her, after all).

It took a good five minutes for Mr. Schuester to gain control of the group and get them started on some new numbers he wanted to try out for regionals the next month. Keeping an eye on Rachel, hoping for any sign that he had accomplished just a little bit of what he had set out to do, Puck was happy to see that the card never left her hands unless she was asked to dance, and since they were working mostly on a song for the guys, that wasn't often. When rehearsal was over and the only people left were Rachel, Kurt, and himself, Puck made a big show of putting away his guitar so that he could stick around a little longer and keep an eye on Rachel. He wanted to laugh when Kurt told her that the only way the flowers would fit in his Escalade was if they went in the back and Rachel said she would sit back there with them. Kurt argued with her for a minute, trying to appeal to her sense of propriety by pointing out that doing so was most definitely against the law, but she would have none of it. Finally giving up, Kurt left to pull his car around to the back entrance of the school so that they wouldn't have to carry the arrangement, which Puck admitted was almost as big as Rachel, all the way to Kurt's normal spot. Once she was alone (Puck had moved to stand just outside the door, realizing that he could have put away five guitars by now), Rachel pulled the card from the envelope again, running her fingers along the words as she read them.

_Rachel,  
You have to know, you're amazing. You ARE better than everyone else here. You're the most talented person I've ever seen or heard. If you didn't believe in everyone and push the way you do, there would be no glee club. And you're beautiful, always. Big-girl clothes are overrated._

Puck slipped away, heading toward his own truck, when he saw Kurt re-enter the building. As he did so, he could have sworn he saw the tiniest smile on Rachel's lips.

When he rounded the corner to head to first period the next morning, the first, and only, thing Puck noticed was legs. Rachel Berry's legs, to be exact. Rachel Berry's legs with no denim, just a tiny pink skirt and white knee socks with green polka dots. _Hallelujah._ And after the legs (a while after, 'cause yeah, it was hard to stop looking at those legs), he noticed the smile. It was a real smile, one that took up her whole face. He didn't mind that it was directed at Brittany instead of him; he was just happy that it was there. Once he had passed the two girls, Puck heard the laugh, that laugh that for the past several months had given him dragonflies in his stomach (dudes so don't get butterflies, and besides, whatever these things were, they were way bigger than butterflies). It was ok that she hadn't acknowledged that the flowers came from him, that maybe she didn't even know, because she was laughing and wearing skirts, and just being _Rachel_ again.

"Noah?" His head shot up from the guitar case and he scanned the room. He thought he was alone; he knew for a fact that Kurt and Brittany, Rachel's normal rides, were already gone for the day. He didn't know what she wanted, so he didn't say anything, afraid of spooking her. He simply continued to kneel in front of the guitar case and looked over his shoulder at her, lifting one eyebrow. "Give me a ride home?" She extended a small hand to him, and without even closing the case, he took it and walked her to his truck to give her what she had asked for.

"Thank you." He turned to look at her, but all he could see was the top of her head. They had managed to find themselves right back on her front porch, watching the sun set over the field across the street. Her cheek rested on his shoulder, and it was the first time she had spoken since they left the school. (Man, she was getting really good at this whole quiet thing. He wasn't sure he liked it.)

"Was just a ride, Berry. No big." He slipped his arm around her and pulled her a little closer to him, realizing that her skin was cool in the night air.

"You know that's not what I meant," she turned her head to rest her chin on his shoulder and look up at him. "I was … and you were …" she sighed and started over, "They're beautiful Noah, thank you."

He didn't know why he felt the urge to deny it. Old habits die hard, he guessed. "What makes you think …" But he didn't get any farther than that. Her chin was still on his shoulder – lightly though, not digging in, leave it to Rachel to be considerate even now – and when he turned his head again to look at her as he spoke, his face was so close to hers that all he could see were her eyes. And when he looked into those eyes, beautiful and warm, he saw something he hadn't seen in over three weeks, and for the first time in those three weeks, he didn't want to kill Finn. In fact, Finn was probably the farthest thing from his mind. All other thoughts were replaced by thoughts of those eyes, and then her nose, and finally, her lips. And once her lips were in his mind, he just had to have them.

It took less than a second for her to start kissing him back, and in that kiss, he suddenly knew why she insisted on calling him 'Noah' and not 'Puck.' Because with her, at that moment, Puck didn't exist. He _was_ Noah; the guy who wanted to protect her, to keep her safe, to make sure that no one – not Finn, not Quinn, not Santana, _no one_ – made her cry again. (And don't be mistaken, Noah was also a badass, and he _would_ protect her, whatever it took.) Mostly, Noah was the guy who wanted to make her proud of him. He felt her start to pull away, and although he could feel his own lungs burning from lack of oxygen, he followed her, trying to maintain the contact as long as possible. He finally let her break the kiss when he felt the warmth of her hand on his cheek, her thumb stroking his cheekbone. She laid her head on his shoulder and nuzzled her nose into his neck so that her breath tickled over his Adam's apple when she spoke.

"Give me a ride to school in the morning?" He must have not regained all his breath yet (that's how he explained it to himself), because he couldn't find the words to answer her question. Instead he pulled her body as close to his as he could and used the index finger of his free hand to trace a circle over her knee as he nodded his consent. There must have been a sudden breeze (it had to be the wind) because he felt a chill move down his spine when she tilted her head and pressed her lips to his neck just before standing and walking to her front door. "I'll see you in the morning then. Thank you. Good night, Noah."

**_You've got all that I need  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I  
With you I know that  
I'm good for something  
So let's go on give it a try  
We've got our backs against the ocean  
It's just us against the world  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I_ **

It took six weeks, 42 whole fucking days, of asking and pleading and, well, not begging, because the Puckasaurus didn't beg (turns out being around Rachel didn't erase Puck completely, just pushed him aside to make more room for Noah), but, yeah, ok, begging. Every day since that kiss on her porch he had asked her out. And every day she had denied him, saying that she couldn't because he was her best friend and that was something she just couldn't risk. That always earned her a snort and a smirk and an, "I ain't your best friend Berry. (Kurt/Mercedes/Brittany/Tina – depending on the day) is your best friend. I'm nobody's best friend, I suck at being a friend, remember?" She would only give him this little smile, like she knew something he didn't know, while running her hand down his bicep and occasionally even pushing up onto her toes to kiss his cheek. Shit was getting old. Yeah, ok, so the frequent touching and the occasional kissing made his skin feel like it was on fire, but Puck wasn't the kind of guy to sit around waiting six weeks for one girl. Every morning when he woke up he told himself that was it; that was where it stopped. But he still drove her to school at least three times a week (and no, it really wasn't out of the way for Brittany, but every time he heard Kurt say something about not being able to make it, he jumped on it before anyone else had a chance – and it seemed that Kurt was "unavailable" a lot lately), and no matter how many times he instructed himself to do otherwise, he still ended up at her locker, or in the cafeteria, or even in the choir room (with Finn looking at them both like he was about to throw up) asking her out.

So on day 43, while he scrubbed the shampoo into his short hair a little more forcefully than was necessary, he swore to himself that today, it would not happen. He would _not_ ask out Rachel Berry. That girl had had his balls for too long, and he was getting absolutely nothing out of it. Ok, not nothing; he was getting someone to talk to, someone who really listened and who actually cared about what he thought and felt, and those fiery little touches and pecks on the cheek. But that just wasn't enough. It wasn't enough contact, it wasn't enough of a relationship, it wasn't enough _Rachel._ So as he drove, he chanted in his head over and over again, "Not today, Puckerman, not today." And when he got to the stop sign at the end of her street, he actually said it aloud and pounded it out on the steering wheel. But then he pulled into her drive, and before he even got the truck into 'park' she was bounding out the front door, a smile on her face and her hair in these curls that bounced every time she moved. She turned to lock the door behind her, and all he saw were those curls, then the curve of her back going into her ass under that black skirt, and finally her legs. And spring was coming, and it was getting warmer, and today there were no socks or legwarmers or anything to hide the smooth skin all the way from the middle of her thigh to her ankle, and apparently it was spring in his stomach too, because those dragonflies were suddenly very active. Then she looked at him, and when their eyes connected, even through the glass of the windshield, the dragonflies suddenly morphed into hummingbirds. Hell, maybe even robins for that matter.

Puck couldn't just sit there. It seemed that the walk from her front door to his truck was a mile long, and he just couldn't wait that long. He jumped out of the truck and walked as quickly as he could without actually running ('cause that would so not be badass), reaching the base of the steps just as she stepped on the bottom one. That was actually kind of perfect timing, because she was basically at his eye level and neither of them had to crane their necks to see the other. "What are you doing Noah?" she looked at him quizzically, her head tilted to the side and her eyes wide.

"I know every day I say I'm not your best friend. And I still stand by that. I really am too much of an asshole to be anyone's best friend. But, see, you _are_ my best friend. You listen to me, and you believe in me, and when I'm with you I feel like I'm actually good for something, like I'm not a Lima loser. You make me feel like I can do anything, like _we_ can do anything. I can't lose that, Rach. I can't give that up. For months now, I've stood aside and watched, first while you were with Finn, then while you were … _broken_ by Finn," he spat the word, his hand balling into a fist momentarily at his side, "and now as your best friend, apparently. And if that's what you want, I'll try to keep doing that. I could never just, turn my back on you. But you gotta know how hard this is for me. Like, I kinda feel like it's all or nothing here. So yeah, I'll keep trying to be your friend, but part of me, a really big part, feels like if I'm not getting all of you, and I don't mean physically, but I think you know that, then I'm not really getting anything. I want it all, Rachel. And God I know how selfish that sounds, but I can't help it. When it comes to you, I am fucking selfish. So, I want to stand here right now and tell you, for the sake of my pride, that if you turn me down today I'll stop asking. But I can't say that, because I've been saying it to myself for the past six weeks, and look how _that_ turned out. But just in case I get my balls back out of your purse sometime soon, I had to say all this. You had to know before my pride finally gets so bruised that I just stop trying and you never get to hear it." _Where the hell did that come from?_ It wasn't as if he had rehearsed the speech, or even planned to give a speech at all, for that matter. But his feet and his mouth just kind of took over, and here he was.

"All or nothing, huh?" He couldn't read her expression, at all, and that scared the shit out of him.

"No Rachel, please, don't take that the wrong way. I didn't mean … I'm not giving you an ultimatum here. That's not what this is. I'm just saying-," He didn't get to finish because she cut him off.

"All."

"Huh?" Eloquent, Puckerman.

"If it's all or nothing, I choose all." She didn't know what she was doing to him. She couldn't, because she was just standing there smiling all sweet like she didn't have his whole heart in her hands right now. He swallowed hard before he could speak again.

"Yeah?"

"Of course." She was still smiling that sweet Rachel smile and all he could do was lift his hands to her face and pull her to him to press his lips to hers. It wasn't the first time he had kissed Rachel Berry, but it was the first time he had kissed _his_ Rachel Berry. He held onto her as long as he could, not wanting to let the feeling slip away. "Noah," he finally had to let her go or they may have both ended up passed out on her front lawn.

"Yeah babe?" He sucked in deep breaths and rested his forehead against hers, stroking her cheekbones with his thumbs.

"We're going to be late for school." Her words and her voice were firm, but her eyes sparkled.

"Right." He leaned forward to kiss her again, resisting the urge to slide his tongue along her bottom lip, knowing that would only lead to them being even later. "Let's go babe." He took her backpack from her with one hand and closed the other over her own much smaller hand.

**_Let's take a chance go far away today  
And never look back again  
Since I said I loved you in Las Vegas  
It's never been the same since then_ **

Whoever organized that year's nationals was an idiot. Really, who plans a high school show choir competition, a high school _anything_ , in Vegas? All Puck could think was that it was really good for his criminal record and his mom's sanity that he now had this awesome little angel over his shoulder, or on his lap, as the case may be. He just wanted Mr. Schuester to get on with his little speech so they could get on with their day. Yeah, Schue was cool as far as teachers went, but his idea of a great day consisted of a bit more than hanging out in his teacher's hotel room all day and talking about, well, whatever it was he was talking about. Ok, so Puck had kind of spaced out like, five minutes into the speech. That was about the time that one of the new kids had made the mistake of looking at Santana, which had sent her flying across the room to share a chair with Brittany, effectively evicting Rachel, who had ended up perched primly on his knee. Only after about another five minutes, she didn't look so prim, and she certainly wasn't on his knee.

"You nervous?" He whispered in her ear, but he was pretty sure no one would have noticed even if he had spoken in his normal voice. The freshmen were too caught up in whatever it was Mr. Schue was talking about ( _what exactly was a crescendo again?_ ) and all the rest were either sleeping or having their own private conversations. No one cared about him and Rachel. Well, almost no one. He couldn't help but occasionally notice the glares Finn kept sending his way (technically the glares were being sent _their_ way, but Puck was nearly positive they weren't meant for Rachel).

Rachel shook her head, looking back at him and smiling in a way that took away any trace of nerves in his own body. "I was born to perform Noah." He chuckled lightly. Of course she was.

"I know that babe, and you're gonna _kill,_ " he pulled her a little closer and tilted his head so that his lips brushed her ear when he spoke. "S'not what I meant. It's just, this is our last ever glee club performance. After this we're not 'New Directions' anymore, we're all on our own."

"I'm not. And neither are you." Neither of them moved, so he couldn't actually see her face, but he just knew she was smiling. She always did when anyone mentioned the two of them going to New York in the fall. Six months ago he would have sworn it was by an act of God that he had gotten into even the smallest of schools in the city, but now he knew it was an act of Rachel. Even before they had started dating, she was the reason that he cared about himself, the reason that he tried at anything.

"Too bad the rest of these bastards aren't as lucky as us, right? _No one's_ as lucky as me." He smirked and kissed her cheek, just in front of her ear, and he could feel the warmth radiating off her face. She was blushing; it was cute. "Ya know, all due respect, 'cause I know New York is like, _your city_ and everything, but this year is so much better than last year."

"Duh," she giggled. Apparently he was rubbing off on her, too. But yeah, he was right. This year was better for a lot of reasons. It was their last year, they had already made it into the top 10 and would soon be competing for the judges again to determine their final rank, but most of all it was better because Rachel was his. The previous year she had been maybe-Jesse's, then no one's, then kinda-Finn's. But now she was his, and nothing could top that. "But you're still looking forward to New York, right?" He knew how much she tried to hide it, but he still heard the hint of worry in her voice.

"See Rach, here's the thing," he almost didn't say anything, because he thought for sure Schue would have to be winding down sometime soon, but that didn't seem to be the case. "You're running toward something, ya know? You're running toward Julliard, and Broadway, and Tonys. But I feel like I'm running away; away from Lima, and my dad, and all the stupid things I've done in the past. But you know what the weirdest thing about that is?" _Ok, the weirdest thing about this conversation is that we're having it in a room full of people, and none of them even have a clue. S'probably the best thing about being with Rachel, she makes me forget anyone else even exists._ He could feel her head shaking across his shoulder. She had gotten quiet (ok, she'd been quiet this whole time, but this was a different kind of quiet, a tense quiet) and he didn't like that. "I don't care, Rach. For the first time in my life, it doesn't bother me to be running away. Because it's not like I'm running away from a challenge or from some idiot at school, I'm running away _with you._ And that's probably the best thing I've ever done." Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head in his shoulder. He hoped Mr. Schue talked forever.

Unfortunately, Mr. Schue couldn't talk forever. After about 15 more minutes of 'pep-talking' (during which even the newbies finally started spacing out), Schue ushered the entire club out of the hotel and up the three blocks to the theatre. Puck barely remembered the performance once it was over. What he did remember was the way Rachel looked in that dark blue dress, and the way even when she was singing her duet with Finn, she was looking at Puck over his shoulder. So nearly two hours later, when they were standing on the stage with the other two remaining teams ( _top three, fuck yeah!),_ he could only assume that the rest of them must have done (almost) as well as Rachel. And when the judges announced that they were, in fact, the winners of the 2012 National Show Choir competition, he pounced on her. The words were barely out of the announcer's mouth and he had his arms around her waist and his face buried in her hair. Less than a second later they were surrounded by their teammates, resulting in one very large group hug, but thanks to the size difference between them, his body basically enveloped hers and he had her all to himself. Forgetting that they were in the middle of a stage surrounded by their friends and being watched by an audience (seriously, he had tunnel vision every time he was with her), he lifted her off the ground and pulled his face out of her hair just enough to be able to look in her eyes. "I love you." She only smiled and nuzzled her nose against his then buried her face in the hollow of his shoulder. He didn't hear her, but he felt her hot tears and he felt her mouth forming the words across his collarbone, and he knew.

**_You've got all that I need  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I  
With you I know  
That I'm good for something  
So let's go on give it a try  
We've got our backs against the ocean  
It's just us against the world  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I_ **

"You regret it?" They had done it. Puck and Rachel had made it to New York, and now it was just the two of them. They had seen her dads and his mom and sister into a cab outside of Rachel's dorm a couple of hours before, and now they stood, his arms locked around her waist and his chin resting atop her head, staring at that same fountain where they had danced around and made fools of themselves little over a year before.

"Nope."

"Not even a little?" Rachel tilted her head up and twisted slightly to watch his expression. He wrapped his arms tighter around her waist and lowered his eyes to meet hers.

"Not even at all." It was the truth. There wasn't one thing about this situation that he regretted. There were parts of it that he didn't fully understand; he still held his breath a little every time he got his mail, expecting a letter saying that the college had made a mistake and they didn't really want him, but nothing that he regretted. If anything, he now had everything he had ever wanted. He wasn't going to be a Lima loser, and he certainly wasn't going to become his father. But more importantly, he had the person who had given him all these things, who had helped him realize he could actually do this. It was hard for him to remember a time before Rachel, maybe because there almost wasn't a time before Rachel. Even before he got it together enough to make her his girlfriend, she had been his best friend for quite some time. And now he was going to make it his goal to make sure there wasn't a time _after_ Rachel either. He didn't expect it to be easy; nothing with Rachel (or him, for that matter) was ever easy. But he did expect it to work. Because no matter what, she was on his side, and even when it felt like it was them against the world, there was no side he would rather be on.

**_This is it  
Nothing to hide  
One more kiss  
Never say goodbye  
This is it  
Baby you're all mine  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I  
I know that I'm good for something  
So let's go on give it a try  
We've got our backs against the ocean  
It's just us against the world  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I  
With you I know that I'm good for something  
So let's go on give it a try_ **

Yeah, Rachel Berry was an "all or nothing" kind of girl. But then, Noah Puckerman had always been an "all or nothing'" kind of guy. It was all or nothing when it came to playing football and the guitar. It was all or nothing when it came to getting out of Ohio and not becoming a Lima loser. And it was all or nothing when it came to Rachel Berry, which many people said made him completely nuts. But Puck didn't believe that; he knew that beneath all the crazy, Rachel was the best person he'd ever known. So no one was surprised when he stood in front of them looking quite dapper in a perfectly fitted tuxedo with a soft yellow tie. And when he looked past the crowd, barely noticing the few faces of the people he loved, the several faces of people he was familiar with, and the many more faces that he absolutely knew he had never even seen before (there were a lot of people who loved Rachel, he couldn't expect to know them all), Puck's eyes filled with tears. Happy ones, of course. But as he watched her emerge, walking straight toward him and looking absolutely breathtaking in her floor-length white gown, he couldn't help but think back to all the times he feared this would never happen, in spite of all his big talk about being badass and not needing all this noise. But even when he doubted himself, there was one person who never did.

**_We've got our backs against the ocean  
It's just us against the world  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I  
Babe it's you and I_ **


End file.
